Migs and Alaine

Chronicles of a Happy Married Life

Tag: Married Life

Yes, I am childless and it’s none of your business

We live in a world where some people think that they can dictate the best time for you to get married and have kids. Where people are too quick to judge but never wanted to offer help.  It has always been my dream to walk down the aisle wearing a lace gown and carrying tulips. I dream of playing dress up with a baby girl, family trips and even envisioned yearly family photo ops.

Four years after our wedding and here we are sharing one roof with three rescued cats. My vision of having a “perfect family” never happened and I am not sure if it will ever happen. I have been frowned upon by some women when I told them that having babies is not on top of my priorities and was even labeled as a barren woman just because I chose to be childless. While Miguel was perfectly okay with it, I still came to a point when I became too desperate to have a baby. I ditched my contraceptive pills and we even considered adopting a relative’s kid. I was almost convinced that my life is worthless because I couldn’t bear a child. I struggled for months and I am just grateful that Miguel was there to constantly remind me that our marriage still matters to him even without kids. I realized that I should stop worrying about the things that I do not have control of. If I can’t have a baby naturally – then I should just let things be.

Last year, we visited an OB because I had an unusual menstrual cramps. Tests were made and I was told that I am healthy and can conceive anytime (fertile). I had mixed emotions. It came as a surprise because the idea of having a baby no longer excites me.

Two months later, I was not given a permit by our office physician to undergo an X-ray because my period was delayed for more than a month. I was so used to being carefree and not tracking my monthly cycle because I never experienced being pregnant. I was also busy working two jobs. I was helping a friend turned client for an almost pro-bono deal. I thought I was already pregnant but I wasn’t.

Had this happened to me two years ago, it would mean the world to me. I would have been depressed but after all that Miguel and I have been through, I could care less about what people think of me. This is my body, no one can dictate when I should have a baby or if I really should. Because a person who’s truly happy would be so busy minding their own businesses. The people who makes fun of childless couples are people who are inviting you to accompany them with their misery.

I am childless, but I am happy as I chose to be.

Celebrate LOVE month with TravelBook

If you’ve been reading our blog for some time, you already know that Miguel and I had been through a very challenging year and skipped on celebrating some special occasions like Valentine’s day. This year’s Valentine’s Day is going to be extra special because Miguel is already at the pink of health.  I would love to spend this year’s Valentine’s day in a Hotel within the Metro.  I don’t wanna travel that long and deal with our worsening traffic situation.

Miguel and I need some time off and just spend some quality time together, setting aside work and other stuff. Discovering new Hotels is one of the things that we enjoy as a couple. Disconnecting from the real world is healthy and it’s not necessary that you travel that far to do it. Especially that February 14 falls on a week day this year.

Photo courtesy of Sequoia Hotel

Do you have a favorite Hotel app that you usually use when booking hotels? My current favorite is TravelBook. What we love about TravelBook is the assurance that our Credit Card information is safe. You also have the option to pay at the Hotel!  User friendly app and website is also a plus for us. They have a lot of partner hotels and you’re sure to book a room for a discounted price that will suit your budget.  We recently signed up as an affiliate not just to earn additional money but also to let our readers know how convenient it is to book your next R and R thru TravelBook. If you notice, we do not write about products or services that we do not believe in. Did you know that you can get up to Php5,500 Hotel discount when you book a Hotel via TravelBook.ph? Enjoy these perks for this month’s Panagbenga Festival in Baguio City.

 

TravelBook.ph is one of biggest online travel e-commerce company (online travel agent or OTA) in the Philippines dedicated to offering great value hotel bookings and with a varied selection of Philippine hotels and resorts. All you got to do is to sign up, and voila’ – you can automatically get HUGE discounts from the Hotel of your choice. To book, visit http://travelbook.ph/‬.

What about you, guys? What are your plans for Valentine’s Day? Let us know by leaving a comment below.

 

 

This blog post is my official entry to TravelBook.ph’s Valentine’s Day Blog Contest. If you are a blogger, now’s the perfect time to be part of TravelBook Philippines affiliates by signing up at http://bit.ly/affiliatevday. We have explained on our previous blog how it works. 

 

 

 

Benefits of R&R to Married Couples

Have you felt that you wanted to quit your job because of too much stress? Have you ever felt guilty because you can’t even remember the last time you and your spouse had a quality time together?

We suggest that you take some time off to Relax and rejuvenate and we have enumerated the top 5 reasons why R&R is a must to have a happy married life.

  1. Going to a place whether a hotel in the metro, the coast or anywhere that can offer a good accommodation can help you disconnect from the corporate world and focus on the most important person in your life – your spouse.

You do not have to go that far. There are many places near Metro, Manila where you can spend some quality time together. A bed and breakfast or just a dinner date in Tagaytay City will do the work. Just look online for the best resorts and hotels in Metro Manila and in nearby  provinces so you can get the best deals.You don’t have to drive far north to Baguio just to experience and enjoy the Philippines at a colder climate. Tagaytay is the best place in the south to go nature tripping. with it’s friendlier climate, moving around the city on foot won’t break you a sweat.

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2. Disconnecting from the corporate world can lead to discovering more things about your spouse especially if you’re just starting to have a family or if you have neglected R&R with your spouse for very long time.

Life is short. Do not waste it by stressing yourself too much. There are so many beautiful beaches in the Philippines waiting to be discovered. Watching the sunset while lying on the sand is one of the best experience in the world. It helps you to keep calm and relaxed. We’re sure you’ll be more productive when you return to work after a short vacation.

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3. You will discover more places. Try booking an accommodation in a far away place and discover nearby areas. Who cares if you get lost? It’s going to be a fun-filled experience with the love of your life.                                                                                                                                                                                                                     We once booked a hotel room in Makati for four days and three nights and tried almost all the restaurants around the vicinity. We didn’t even bring our car with us, but we enjoyed walking along the busy streets of Makati. Our place is a Two hour drive from Makati. It’s not that far, but there are so many things that we don’t know about the City.

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4. It is the perfect opportunity to learn a new sport. How does learning how to surf sound?

La Union and Zambales are just two of the best beaches near the Capital where the top local and international surfers gather. They even have surfing competitions happening every year. Book a hotel and spend your weekend with the best waves and learn how to surf.

 

photo from Crystal Beach Resort

photo from Crystal Beach Resort

5. Planning to have a baby? Distressing can help in your baby-making journey.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                We have been trying to have a baby and Doctor said we should spend more time outdoors.

There are so many places that are waiting to be discovered in the Philippines. We have some of the Parks, Museums, Beaches, Mountain Trails, Specialty Restaurants and Wildlife, name it, the Philippines got it. You just have to do a little more research before travelling so you know what to expect when you reach your destination. So, what are you waiting for? Pack your stuff, fill that gas tank, bring some snacks and lose your self to the beautiful world out side the four corners of your office. Don’t forget your handy dandy camera to snap some instagramable photos and share it to your friends so, they too will be inspired to travel with their spouses.

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If you’re single and reading this post, this article from Thought Catalog might just inspire you to book a trip to the beach or a foreign country.

How Leaving and Cleaving Saved our Marriage

We attended a Marriage Preparations Seminar before we got married. One of the best topics that was discussed in the Seminar was “Leaving and Cleaving”. This is one of the things that some Filipinos do not practice because we have this culture of being too generous when it comes to family members that we don’t mind sharing our own house with them – we even gave a name to this kind of culture…extended family.

I grew-up in a household where we welcome some relatives to live with us for a period of time (years) while they are studying or looking for a new job. It was fun because I was the youngest then so, I don’t really have a specific chore to do at home. I get all the help that I need aside from the helper that my parents hire, people at home are always there for me. But things got a little tougher when I reached puberty. I started hating a lot of things and sometimes the people around me. I am no longer comfortable sharing some of our things at home.

When my sisters got married, none of them were allowed to live with us because our parents are teaching us to be responsible. They wanted us to be able to experience living on our own.

In my case – I was already independent when I reached the age of 21. I have my own place and a job. So, leaving and cleaving will never be an issue for me. I learned to be independent even before I got married.

When it was my turn to get married (I was 28 then), we were already prepared to start a new life together. We were able to save money for a beautiful Wedding. We refused to accept financial help from any relative because we want to have the liberty of inviting only those who are really close to us.

Two years after our Marriage (when we were about to buy a house), I received an SMS from my mother, telling me about their predicament. There were times when they feel scared to leave the house especially at night because we do not have neighbors. She is also diabetic and she’s afraid that no one will look after her in case she needs some medical attention.

In short, she was able to convince me to move in with my husband. What seems to be temporary almost changed our lives when they offered us to buy the house so they could leave the City and start a new to their retirement home in the South. It was smooth sailing at first but when my other sibling expressed her interest for our house, the issues started to rise. It was difficult and I felt that I was also hurting my husband – he couldn’t move freely at our home.

When we received the approval from the bank for the housing loan, I told my husband that we should think really hard if we’re going to purchase the house. conflicts may arise, because my older sister wants a piece of that cake for free. On the second day of the approval, I told my parents that we decided to just leave and purchase a different house. They were okay with our decision since my youngest brother already came home – someone will already look after their welfare.

We would have honestly saved a chunk of money if we purchased the house from my parents. Considering the value of land nowadays, it was a steal.  Plus, I know every corners of that house since I was a little girl. But, I had to decide to let it go because I value my Marriage. We had to leave before misunderstandings become ugly.

My Mother died the same year. I was the closest daughter to her. I guess, leaving our house prepared me to face such a depressing moment. I don’t have to deal coming home to the same house with all the memories. I wouldn’t have to deal with waking up every morning at the same house where I spent 21 years with her. It will be very difficult to move on.

Leaving our house and cleaving to my husband made me stronger. We’ve been through a lot and we always have each other’s back. Who cares if it might take some more years for us to save up for our dream house? We were able to save our marriage. It is nice to wake up wearing whatever clothes I want at home without having someone comment on how short my shorts are. I can scatter things at my working table as long as I want and no one will ever question why I allow three cats to sleep on our bed.

We chose to live the life as husband and wife – where I am the only queen and he is the only king of our own little kingdom.

Leaving and cleaving is not only for the rich but it’s for the brave couples who can promise to stick together for better or for worse.

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Pacific Cebu Resort – An Island Paradise

Before summer officially end, let me share with you my birthday celebration in Cebu last March. We rented a Condo Unit via AirBNB for 5 days at the IT Center in hopes being able to visit a lot of places in Cebu but we had to ditch our plans because Migs was not feeling well. Good thing, we did not pay for a tour because either our money will be wasted or Migs condition will worsen. We just enjoyed exploring the City. We were able to visit the Magellan’s cross, Sto. Nino Church, Sugbo Mercado and explored few restaurants inside the IT Park. We also enjoyed cooking our favorite dishes from their local market and was even able to buy few kilos of dried squids, fish and of course dried mangoes.We crossed out our plans of going to Bantayan Island and Bohol because of the travel time and just decided to do a last minute booking at Pacific Cebu Resort. I am happy that I was able to book a hotel through my favorite hotel app – Hotel Quickly! Hotel Quickly’s very helpful because you can see actual photos and feedback of a hotel. So, you don’t need to do extensive research when you’re trying to book one ( I am not paid to promote Hotel Quickly – I just love them! LOL).

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It took us 30 minutes to book a cab going to Pacific Cebu Resort because none of the Grab Taxi Drivers would pick us up. Travel time from Cebu IT center to Suba-basbas, Lapu-Lapu City is an hour and Cab meter was Php380 but we paid Php500 because our Cab driver is really nice. He was even surprised that we refused to accept change.

We were welcomed by Pacific Cebu Resort’s staff with sweet smiles and confirming my reservation was easy breezy. The beach is so inviting! I wanted to drop our things to our room and head to the beach immediately. When we entered our room, I suddenly changed my mind about heading to the beach right away. Our room was so cozy and has a cute veranda where we could eat or just hang out. We took a power nap and went out to check their resto’s menu at 4:00 PM. By the way, they have a reliable wi-fi connection too. So, this resort is also  ideal for free lancers.

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There were only few guests at the resort and 90% were Japanese. We were told by one of the staff that the resort used to be exclusive for Japanese guests. I’m glad they opened it for everyone. Pacific Cebu resort is a perfect diving spot according to their guests but they also have two swimming pools for other guests to enjoy.

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1934410_10209479471092121_454709011660175045_nJapanese people are also nice so, we didn’t have issues sharing the resort with them. We were lucky to be able to book a room on a weekend and enjoyed not just the view of the ocean and good food. There was also an acoustic show while we were having dinner.

I would say that our stay at Pacific Cebu resort is the best part of our Cebu vacation and we promise to come back once Migs is back on his feet.

‘Til death do us part

Have you ever felt that breathing is painful and that loneliness is eternal? That’s how I felt when Migs was diagnosed with TB.

Being a witness to Migs’ sufferings and knowing that I can’t do anything about it is a huge burden. He’s been taking TB meds since April 1 but it has been a week since he started coughing again. We were supposed to visit his doctor last week but had to postpone it because he’s not feeling well (he couldn’t get up). Last night, we talked about death. How he wanted to “free” me from all the pain that I am going through because of him. I was hurt because I felt that he was insensitive and ungrateful. But then I realized that I actually married a very loving husband who still thinks of my welfare even if he is chronically ill. I married a great man and I wanted to inspire him and help him live. Our conversation last night reminded me of the things that I’ve learned from our Marriage Preparations Seminar. I will never get tired of taking care of Migs and each day is a reminder of our wedding vows… “Til death do us part”. Have a blessed Sunday, everyone! 💗
Sharing with you our photo when we attended our Marriage Preparations Seminar last June 2012 at Victory Pioneer.

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Be your spouse’s keeper

A year ago, Miguel and I had an argument because I couldn’t remember the directions going to my friend’s house. I’m not as good as Miguel when it comes to directions. We were with another friend then which makes it uncomfortable. I just felt that there is no need for Miguel to raise his tone on me. I let it pass and acted normal all through out the trip but I was hurting inside. I felt that I was disrespected. When we got to my friend’s house, I acted like everything was perfectly okay. Thus, sending the wrong signal to my husband.
When we got home, I confronted Miguel and told him how I felt when he raised his tone during our argument. He said that he didn’t mean it and that he was sorry for what he did. I explained to him how the small argument can lead to a big fight because of the wrong tone. I also reminded him about our agreement on being each other’s keeper. That if we feel the need to argue and there is someone else, we should always control ourselves.
We are both trying our best not to let that incident happen.

Browsing Facebook, I saw an old friend who once had issues with her husband about infidelity. I remember how she used to bad mouth her husband which bothers me most of the time. I felt that it was already affecting her whole being. Hearing her stories about her husband’s infidelity became so tiring. I, as a friend even developed hatred towards her husband that it becomes awkward whenever we go on double dates.

When they moved to another city, things started to change. She started posting photos of her now happy family and surprise! There’s another bun in the oven. Although I am happy that things are doing well for her, I still couldn’t forget the bad things that she said about her husband. Everything bounced back at my friend because some people started talking about how they find my friend “weird” or “dumb” for taking her husband back after all the things he has done (based on her stories).

Although I feel sorry for her for being betrayed, I also feel bad for her husband.

This always remind me and Miguel about the consequences of revealing each other’s flaws to other people. We all know that there are times when we can’t handle things on our own. Especially when we have lost our trust to our partners but we should always bear in mind that we are each other’s keepers.

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In some cases like domestic violence or infidelity, we should seek help from trusted people or professionals. We should never consider making our spouses’s weakness a topic in our conversation with other people unless we know that they can help us get thru our struggle.

 

Stay happy and in love!

Alaine