Migs and Alaine

Chronicles of a Happy Married Life

Tag: Family

Build Your Own Wealth

Most Filipinos believe that supporting their parents once they are old is the best way to show “utang na loob” (debt of gratitude). Although the Church (whichever religion you are in) is teaching us about leaving and cleaving,  many couples still struggle to leave their parents because of the obligations that are either given to them or they feel that they need to do. That being said, the concept of having an extended family or a shared home became a norm in our country and sadly, it becomes harder and harder to break the chain.

It’s never too late or too early to invest. Migs and I used to practice traditional way of saving money. We used to save a portion of our income to our preferred bank. When I was 22 years old, I tried investing in a life insurance but I failed because I wasn’t really ready to invest yet but I was able to invest on Memorial plans which I do not regret. We thought we were doing well because we were able to save money for our car, a beautiful wedding, leisure, down payment for a house, etc.

Our wake up call was when Migs got sick. Although our Health cards covered the hospital bills, we had to spend a portion of our savings considering that he has been sick for a year. I also had to let go of some of our signature bags and some pieces of jewelry. It was tough and the reason why I am sharing our experience is because I don’t want anyone especially young couples to experience the same thing.

As soon as Migs is back on his feet, I have reached out to several financial advisers so we can start preparing for our retirement fund.  In the end, we chose to sign up with Sun Life. We felt that everything that we need and looking for are in one package. Sun Life phone app is also user friendly and lets me monitor our plans wherever we are.

After signing up, we decided that we are ready to have a baby by 2018. But guess what, about 2 weeks of getting our retirement plans – we are already pregnant. It seemed like everything was perfectly planned.

What did we learn from Migs’ near death experience that convinced us to sign up for a Life Insurance?

As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our children no matter what the circumstances may be. We should not obligate them to give us everything that they worked for when we’re old, not even a portion of it. Why? Our children never chose us to be their parents. If you think you cannot send your children to an exclusive school – then don’t. We always have options. Send them to a public school and still be able to provide their basic needs or find another source of income in order to afford your preferred school. We don’t need to live a life full of debts just to be able to fit in or prove something.  After all, it’s our family that we should be worried about not a certain status that we’re trying to portray.

As children, let’s allow our our parents to enjoy their retirement fund. They have already raised and have spent their resources for us. They are not our emergency fund. They have worked to hard to provide all our needs.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it’s bad to help a family member in need. But we should know our limitations too.  Part of leaving and cleaving is putting your immediate family’s needs first.

 

Happy weekend!

 

Yes, I am childless and it’s none of your business

We live in a world where some people think that they can dictate the best time for you to get married and have kids. Where people are too quick to judge but never wanted to offer help.  It has always been my dream to walk down the aisle wearing a lace gown and carrying tulips. I dream of playing dress up with a baby girl, family trips and even envisioned yearly family photo ops.

Four years after our wedding and here we are sharing one roof with three rescued cats. My vision of having a “perfect family” never happened and I am not sure if it will ever happen. I have been frowned upon by some women when I told them that having babies is not on top of my priorities and was even labeled as a barren woman just because I chose to be childless. While Miguel was perfectly okay with it, I still came to a point when I became too desperate to have a baby. I ditched my contraceptive pills and we even considered adopting a relative’s kid. I was almost convinced that my life is worthless because I couldn’t bear a child. I struggled for months and I am just grateful that Miguel was there to constantly remind me that our marriage still matters to him even without kids. I realized that I should stop worrying about the things that I do not have control of. If I can’t have a baby naturally – then I should just let things be.

Last year, we visited an OB because I had an unusual menstrual cramps. Tests were made and I was told that I am healthy and can conceive anytime (fertile). I had mixed emotions. It came as a surprise because the idea of having a baby no longer excites me.

Two months later, I was not given a permit by our office physician to undergo an X-ray because my period was delayed for more than a month. I was so used to being carefree and not tracking my monthly cycle because I never experienced being pregnant. I was also busy working two jobs. I was helping a friend turned client for an almost pro-bono deal. I thought I was already pregnant but I wasn’t.

Had this happened to me two years ago, it would mean the world to me. I would have been depressed but after all that Miguel and I have been through, I could care less about what people think of me. This is my body, no one can dictate when I should have a baby or if I really should. Because a person who’s truly happy would be so busy minding their own businesses. The people who makes fun of childless couples are people who are inviting you to accompany them with their misery.

I am childless, but I am happy as I chose to be.

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